Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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