Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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