My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
