I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
