I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
