so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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