she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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