TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
