I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize