I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
