And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
