Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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