my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
