The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Drake has all the answers
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
