Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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