Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
