I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
