Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
