I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
