I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
