My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
