we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
