Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
