I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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