apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
