I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
