Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
