I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
