the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize