Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I'm really busy with my period
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