thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
