Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
