I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Randomize
