I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
