so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
