I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
