i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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