remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
