I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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