I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
