Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
