Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
