I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
