Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
