There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize