she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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