i permit you to call me
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
