she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize