i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
high people should be assigned attendants
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
