The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
