I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Randomize
