Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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