Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Randomize
