God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
You are a genius and a whore.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
