I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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