My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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