What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
