I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
