My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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