The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
