I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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