Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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