Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
