Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
