I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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