is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize