I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
