i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
