morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize