youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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