i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
