Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
