i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
