He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
