I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
