So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
