I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
