even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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