I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize