Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
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