Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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