i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
