So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
