I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
