Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
